It's time again to gather round the old family computer and the festive shopping mall to hurriedly search for the perfect gift for friends who probably won't get you anything in return and family members you haven't seen for about a year. Yes my friends, the holiday season is upon us and that means consumerism galore.
For those people that are impossible to shop for and for those that don't deserve any better, sometimes the best gifts are those that are just plan strange or rude. And with that in mind, it's time to kick off InventorSpot's yearly roundup of the weirdest, dumbest and silliest Christmas gifts to stuff under your tree this year.
Weird Gift #1: Pearl Necklace
This silver Pearl Necklace bridges the gap between the incredibly intimate, but short-lived pearl necklace of the bedroom and the long lasting, but cold and heartless pearl necklace of thejewelry store. Finally a piece of jewelry you and your special lady can appreciate.
Weird Gift #2: Merry Crappy Christmas
Nothing says "I don't give a crap about you" like a present that spells out "Merry Christmas" in plastic poop. Sure you could always make this present yourself out of the real thing, but that would be a lot harder to make and the revolting smell is probably going to stop you before you get it spelled out so perfectly.
Weird Gift #3: iCarta iPod Bath Tissue Holder
If you know someone who likes to rock out with their ass out, then this iCarta is the perfect gift for them. Finally the serenity of bathroom sessions can be brought up to pace with the modern world as you combine a love of clearing bowels with a love of rock and roll.
This also makes a great gift for women who are too insecure to use the toilet while other people can hear them.Of course, if they realize that people then start to associate music playing in thebathroom with their pooping, then they'll have even more issues to deal with.
Weird Gift #4: The Drunkard's Gift Basket
Do you know someone rather forgetful because they drink way too many memories away? Then get them some gifts to help them remember. The Beer Pager will help them find their beer no matter where they accidentally set it down. The fold up emergency sleeping bag ensures they'll always have a place to sleep and since it's waterproof, cleaning up the vomit will be a breeze. Lastly, the Instant Underpants will ensure that no matter what happened the night before, they can always have a fresh pair of clean, wet underwear
Weird Gift #5: Civet Crap Choice Coffee
Kopi Luwak coffee may be all the rage, but few companies actually have the guts to be proud of the blend's origins -a civet cat's butt. That's right, this popular coffee is actually created by sifting the undigested coffee beans from civet feces that have been partially fermented during the process. They are then cleaned and sold exorbitant rates to coffeehouses across the country.
For daring gourmets who hate euphemisms, Civet Crap Choice Coffee drops the charade and proudly states, "I'm here, I drink poo -get used to it!"
Weird Gift #6: Colored Toilet Paper
What do you get the person who has everything? Renova Colored Toilet Paper to match their gaudy bathroom décor, of course. While there's something to be said about paying a little more for paper that doesn't fall apart or tissue that doesn't scrape your most sensitive of areas, colored toilet paper is taking things just a bit too far, which is why this gift is a great option for those who long for a more sanitary way to wipe their ass with money.
Weird Gift #7:Minor Miracle Mug
This gift will have the dedicated atheist questioning her beliefs and a fundamentalist Christian dashing off to eBay. Once they realize the "miracle" isn't as big of a deal as they first thought, they will enjoy sipping their late down to Mary's face every morning. Nothing like a mug of minor miracle to start your day.
Weird Gift #8: Sweeper Slippers
These sweeper slippers are a perfect gift for the lazy teenager who refuses to do any housework. This year, trick them in to pull their weight by giving them comfy slippers that also help clean hardwood and tile flooring.
Weird Gift #9: Swiss Flash USB Knife
While traditional Swiss Army knives are a necessity for survivalists, this modernized Swiss Flash USB Knife is ideal for the 9 to 5 office survivor. With tools like a flash drive, a flashlight, a ballpoint pen (for emergency check endorsing), scissors (for cutting unruly sweater threads), a nail file (for those deadly hangnails) and a tiny knife (to help clean the crap out between your keyboard keys), you're gift recipient is certain to have everything they could possibly need to survive a day in their cubicle jungle.
Weird Gift #10:Tactical Pen
With the increasingly invasive TSA pat downs, it's nice to know that holiday travel doesn't have to leave you helpless. This Smith And Wesson Tactical Pen is completely legal to carry on a plane, writes smoothly and can help you shatter an enemy's skull. It's comforting to know that despite all the liberties we have sacrificed in the name of safety, anyone can still bring a weapon on an airplane. Hooray buracracy! Go TSA!
Weird Gift #11:Babykeeper
The perfect gift for any new mother: a way to get away. While the company promotes theBabykeeper as a convenient way to let a mother use the bathroom freehanded while still letting them watch their baby, we all know that no one who owns this is going to limit their usage to restroom trips. Need to get ready for a hot date? Use the Babykeeper. Trying to have a good time at the end of the date? Use the Babykeeper. If you think that sounds mean to the baby, remember, there are a lot worse things in life than just hanging out.
Weird Gift #12: George Foreman USB iGrill
Let's face it, cooking and computers aren't exactly a perfect match, but when you've been playing WOW for 9 hours straight and your Monster Energy Drink just can't sustain you any more, the George Foreman USB iGrill might be just what you need to get nourishment without having to take a break from fighting liches and worgs.
There's no cooking experience necessary, just load the grill, upload a recipe and the machine will set the timer and do all the work. Best of all, it's at least moderately more healthy for you than Jack In The Box or Dominos.
Weird Gift #13:Bacon Gift Basket
If you are friends with any bacon fanatics, or anyone over 350 pounds, a bacon gift set is a great way to touch their heart...quite literally. While there are plenty of ways to enjoy bacon without actually ingesting it, food gift baskets are much more classy and easy to put together.
In the basket, include some bacon soda, bacon hot sauce, bacon gumballs, bacon lip balm,caffeinated maple bacon lollipops, tactical canned bacon (for emergencies), bacon popcorn,Bacon Salt (to top the popcorn), bacon jellybeans, some freshening bacon mints and someeffervescent bacon tablets.
Weird Gift #14: Wand Remote Control
Let's face it, Harry Potter fetishism is in full swing right now and we all know someone who desperately wishes they weren't a muggle. Make their magical dreams come true with this magic wand that actually works -at least when it comes to controlling the TV. For those with thinner budgets or smaller aspirations, the wand that operates an LED candle is pretty cool for the aromatherapy-loving witch or wizard wannabe.
Weird Gift #15: DIY Juice To Alcohol Kit
This DIY Juice To Alcohol Kit is a great gift for those alcoholic science nerds out there and for really bad parents who can't think of a better way to get their kids interested in science. Just add juice and a packet of the magical alcohol powder and you will have your own homemade liquor in only 48 hours. The resulting booze will be up to 28 proof -it might not be moonshine, but it sure won't make you go blind.
Of course, if you don't feel comfortable giving alcoholic science kits to kids or if you're shopping for a recovering drunkard, the U-Fizz Drink Carbonation Kit might be a good (although slightly less fun) alternative.
Of course, if you've seen any other bizarre or hilarious Christmas gifts this year, share them in the comments. We love to share here, just ask the Holiday Giant Microbes. (By the way, if you're thinking of getting your favorite weird products blogger a present, these are my favorite gift this year.)And of course, if you like this article, check out the original 15 Strange and Bizarre Gifts For The Weirdos In Your Life.
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